the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
