Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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