it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
