We won't sleep together?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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