you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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