it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
