I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
