The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
