When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize
