maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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