I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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