My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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