All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
