i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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