So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
