and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
