I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
