Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
