Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Edward fifth and chaser hands
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
