is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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