I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
