Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
