i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
areolas are like halos for boobs.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
