every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
This is the high leading the old right now
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
