I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
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i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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