my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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