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Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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