so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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