i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
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Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
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I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
sex in a hospital.. check
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i need some magic done to my vagina
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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