Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
