I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
