Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
last night I used snow as a chaser
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
