There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
