at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
