On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I think your dad took our porno
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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