You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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