how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
As shirtless as possible
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
