ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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