he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
