I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
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