Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
