No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
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Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
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Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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