I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
