I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
