Swine flu. Run for my life!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
