Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
