I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
