i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
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When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
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On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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