his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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