UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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