from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
