Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
