after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
