Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
