My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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