If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
