I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
